Stepparents rights?

The ex is being very childish and selfish, IMO. I don't think that there is a lot that you can do, considering the court decree, except call your husband's lawyer. I may be mistaken, but since mom has primary physical custody, and both parents have legal custody, that means BOTH parents have a say in how this child is raised, who attends meetings, etc. So, your husband has every right to request that you attend these meetings and doctor's visits. Call his lawyer, this could get VERY messy.